Thursday, February 21, 2013

Rumple Takes Manhattan

Once Upon A Time, "Manhattan" S2 E14

Fairytale flashback. 
As Rumple jollily enters his humble abode (limp-free), he might as well be saying  “Honey, I’m home”  Rumple and wife Milah speak what sounds like gibberish for most of this scene.  But if you listen closely, you can hear some key words like “Ogre Wars” “coward” and father.”  Basically, Rumple’s going off to fight and totally not be a coward like his father apparently was.  Milah tells him to go fight bravely, and they’ll be able to fulfill their dream of having a family.

When Rumple, rumplily reports for duty at his rather Game of Thrones looking camp, he’s ordered to stand guard in front of a cloaked cage with a prisoner who can “help them turn the tides against the ogres”.  Two seconds into guarding, Rumple uncovers the cage after the prisoner calls his name, revealing a Seer, a girl with huge scars/stitch things instead of eyes and terrible CGI placed eyes on her hands. No wonder she was covered, yeesh.  Get that off my screens.  The Seer tells him that Milah is with child, a boy, but Rumple’s actions “will leave him fatherless.”

At first, Rumple doesn’t believe her, but when Ugo Seer’s other vision that the troops will ride into war on cows (which refers to the saddles).  Rumple’s conflicted, but decides that he doesn't want his son to grow up fatherless like he did, so he avoids fighting by taking an arrow to the knee by smashing his own foot.  His limp must have stalled his journey home about 9 months because when he returns. Milah has already had the baby.  Somehow, everyone knows what Rumple did, including Milah, who tells Rumple it would have been better for him to have died in battle and that now instead of growing up fatherless, baby boy Baelfire will now live with the shame of being the son of a coward, a fate far worse.

Rumple really likes that new baby smell

Henry, Rumple, and Emma get out of a taxi in front of Bae’s place in the city. For some reason Henry was the one riding shotgun. They buzz his apartment, and  Emma, over the speaker, pretends to be a UPS delivery person.  Naturally, Bae assumes that it must be his father looking for him, so he jumps down the fire escape and starts running.  Emma jumps into pursuit (commence brief chase seen full of fun jumping) and after an A+ tackle, Emma, unlike the audience,  is shocked to see none other than her baby daddy Neal.  But instead of saying “OMG” or even “Neal?,” Emma’s first reaction to seeing him after a decade is a weirdly calm, “No…”  The two exchange “What are you doing here”s and Neal moves their conversation to a bar where Emma continues her freak-out.  Neal claims he didn't know who Emma was when he met her and that he has been spending his life on the run to “get away from all that crap.”  Emma tells him how heartbroken and betrayed she was and Neal explains that August came to him, revealed he knew Neal was Baelfire, and told him to leave Emma, who’s all like “You let me go to prison because Pinocchio told you to?”  Neal says maybe fate brought them together, but Emma, in an act of defiance, rips off the keychain he gave her, which she’s been totally wearing this whole time, and gives it back to him, failing to mention anything about Henry.

Meanwhile, Henry awkwardly holds a hot dog that Rumple/Gold bought him, while he naively tells Gold that all that matters is that Gold is here now and wants Bae back.  I was half expecting the hot dog vendor to come over and tell him he needs to actually pay for that.

How am I supposed to hold this thing?

Emma returns to them, and even though she was gone long enough to have a life-changing conversation at a bar, she tells them she lost him.  Consequently, Rumple rumples his way into his son’s apartment, where he plans on waiting for his son.  He quickly realizes Emma is lying and starts to threaten her.  But before he can get too violent, Neal/Bae emerges at the perfect time, although, without magic, I’m pretty sure Emma could take Rumple.  Henry comes out too and asks his mom what’s going on.  Funny, sometimes he calls her Emma, sometimes he calls her mom.  I guess the writers knew this situation required him to call her the latter.  While everyone’s putting the pieces together, Neal asks Henry how old he is, and before Emma can rush him out, he annoyingly shrieks, (and I mean shrieks) “ELEVEN.”  Henry’s first instinct upon learning his father is alive is to rush out the window.  Hey, I guess it runs in the family.  But at least he stays on the fire escape.
Emma follows him and tries to justify her lying to him, but Henry says the coldest thing he can think of: “You’re just like Regina, she always lied to me too.”  Emma responds “OMG, IT WAS ONE TIME.” gazes sadly.

Rumple admits he made mistakes, but wants to make it up to his son by turning him back into a 14-year-old, which is just about the weirdest thing ever.  Obviously, Neal rejects this and delivers a line he’s been working on for decades: “Now I’m letting you go.” Zing!

Neal’s ready to go meet Henry (meet meet), but before he goes out, Emma tells him not to break Henry’s heart.  Neal’s like “that doesn't really make sense here.”  “Pshh already broke your heart.”  “Yea, okay."

Meanwhile, in Storybrooke,
Snow and Charming giggle like school girls over the revelation that Rumple is Henry’s Grandrumple.  

Regina, Cora, and Hook play Three's Company.  Cora and Regina argue about who’s going to be the blonde one for a bit.  Cora and Regina won’t go after Rumple because they won’t have any magic outside Storybrooke, although Hook says he doesn't need any to kill him.  Instead, the mother-daughter duo plans on finding Rumple’s dagger.  Regina goes to Belle’s hospital room and unnecessarily uses magic to take a piece of paper with a Dewey Decimal clue that leads them to the library and a treasure map.  There, Cora knocks out Hook because he is no John Ritter.  Cora plans on using the sword to make Rumple kill Emma, Charming, and Snow, leaving Henry to a “blameless” Regina.  Cause you know, if that were to happen, it’s not like Henry would mourn or slump into depression or anything.  Just buy him a Cinnabon.

Elsewhere, outsider Greg took a video of Regina doing magic and is sending it to Her, who I am still assuming is Ann Veal.

Back in Fairytale land future past, a wifeless and son-less Rumple Dark One finds the Seer and demands to know how to find his son.  She tricks him into taking his power, but she’s still ugly.  He learns that a boy will lead him to Bae, but that the boy will be his undoing, to which Rumple responds, “Then I’ll just have to kill him” 

Cut to Rumple mysteriously glaring at Henry.

So how exactly is Neal/Bae not an old man?  He came here years before Emma was even born and on his own accord, without Regina’s curse.  So all those years plus the 28 years should make him an oldee.  Did he just reach his peak and stop aging?  Is that going to happen to Emma and August?

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