Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Andrea's In the Outfield

"I Ain't A Judas" The Walking Dead. S3 Ep 11

Did you know that if you start Googling "The Walking Dead I," the second thing that comes up is "The Walking Dead I hate Andrea,"?

This episode switches back and forth between the prison and Woodbury more times than Merle says something racist.

Rick and the group are holding a meeting in the cell-block about, you know, the whole Governor situation.  Again, Hershel thinks they should run, but everyone’s like, “We’d like to see you try.”  Rick feels like walking away, so Hershel does what we've seen him do in the promos for what feels like forever and shouts, “Get back here!”  It’s too bad Hershel didn't know Rick’s middle name, he could have been all “Rick ____ Grimes, you get back here and make a plan, young man!”  Hershel tells him to “Get your head clear, and do something.”  Hershel’s not the only one to tell Rick that he’s slipping.  Outside, Carl tells Rick that he should stop being the leader  and let Hershel and Daryl handle things. 

At Woodbury, the Governor and Milton are making a list of able-bodied people, which brings them to a total of 26  Then, the Governor tells Milton to add boys and girls because adolescence is " a 20th century invention." So with that addition, the count now stands at 35. 

 Andrea barges in; she’s not happy. But, really, is she ever?  She heard about the prison, although I’m not really sure how.  He claims he went to negotiate, but Rick’s group is “bloodthirsty.”  Milton claims he didn't know.  Andrea is sick of the lies.  She’s not going to watch her friends and this town shoot each other down.  She wants a car to go see them.  The Governor tells her that the roads are blocked and that if she goes to that prison, she should stay there.

Andrea observes the town preparing for war.  Martinez says the only way to defend the town is to raise an army, which is why they need everyone they can get.  It’s kind of like  Helms Deep. Except this kid has a baseball hat and asthma instead of long hair and a sword Aragorn approves of.  And Woodbury isn’t vastly outnumbered.  Or the good guys.

At the prison, Glenn’s not happy living with the “snake in the nest.”  Daryl firmly tells him “Merle’s here, he’s one of us, get used to it.”  Rick tells Glenn, who compares it to Rick living with Shane after he tried to kill him, that he can’t kick him out.  Hershel says Merle will be useful because he has military experience and not to underestimate his loyalty to his brother. 

 Hershel and Merle have an Amputees Not-So-Anonymous meeting.  Merle shows off his bible skills (Matthew 5:29 and 30); he spent time in Woodbury’s library, the only thing he claims to miss.  Who knew Merle was a scholar!? Maybe he can start a library all Shawshank style.  Merle tells him that when the Governor returns, he’ll kill Rick last so he can watch his friends die.

The Governor is checking out the new “recruits.”  He gently tells a lady with arthritis, that she can help some other way, and she looks kind of disappointed that she won’t be shooting any sheriffs (not deputies)  Again, we hear how this kid Noah is asthmatic.  No one cares.  He’s going to learn from the best.

Carol tells Daryl she’s glad he came back.  To their home.  Daryl corrects her, this is a tomb. That’s what T-dog (RIP) called it.  Then she comes right out and says ‘He’s  your brother, but he’s not good for you, don’t let him bring you down. Look how far you've come.” They then chuckle because they love each other.

.Andrea asks Milton o cover for her so she can go to the prison.  Milton says he doesn’t have to take this chance and he’s not doing it. Andrea pleads that she wants to stop this before more people get killed.

The Governor rips off his bandage and gets freaky with a match.  It’s eyepatch time! Milton couldn’t wait to come running about Andrea.  The Governor says he should help her. and congratulates him.  “Good work Milton.”  That’ll do pig, that’ll do

Here's your new screensaver!

Milton helps Andrea jump a walker.  She cuts off his (the walker, not Milton’s) arms, then curb stomps its jaw off.  She totally got this entire idea from Michonne.  She casually slashes another walker, which is pretty badass. They put the walker on this leash thing, clampers? I don’t know what they’re called. A WILD TYRESE AND COMPANY APPEAR.  Time for a stare down.

Michonne’s doing some excersises, while Carol is pretending to stir some stuff or whatever .Merle reminds Michonne not to leave out the cardio. They should clear the air, hunting her down was just business.  Michonne compares it to the gestapo, which Merle thinks is a perfect comparison. 

Tyreese and co. ask about their camp.  They want in.  Milton will take them back.  Tyreese wants to know if Andrea needs any help, but she’s all “Nah, I got this.”  NO, GO BACK TO THE PRISON.  DON’T GO TO WOODBURY, TYREESE.

Not really sure how Andrea found her way to the prison, but she did.  Carl and Maggie are on watch. They spot Andrea.  Carl gets everyone, and they come out all SWAT style.  Rick asks if she’s alone, which she doesn't feel the need to answer right away.  Rick, kind of throws her against the fence and gives her a pat down worthy of the TSA.  Andrea is kind of confused as to why she’s not being treated like royalty.  Rick; “Welcome back, get up.’

Should I just shoot her?

They take her inside, where Carol and Andrea hug.  Carol thought she was dead.  Andrea gets all the introductory stuff, e.g. Hershel’s leg, where’s Shane and Lori.  T dogs dead too, but she didn't ask.  Andrea is still a bit confused as to why they aren't throwing a merry celebration for her.  Hershel fills her in about Axel being killed and the whole attack.  She didn't know about it.  Didn't even know Maggie and Glenn were in Woodbury. .  She’s not trying to make excuses for what Phillip (heh) has done.  Andrea wants to settle this.  She says there’s room at Woodbury, like that could actually be a possibility.  Andrea gets to the point and tells them she came here because the Governor is gearing for war.  Daryl wants her to tell the Governor he’s going take out his other eye.  Glenn says they've taking too much shiz for too long, if he wants war, they got it.  That’s cute, but he’s got a whole town.  Rick asks Andrea to take them into the town, but she won’t do that because there are innocent people there.   Okay then, why can’t they just go in and kill the Governor? 

Andrea’s still not getting it.  She yells at Michonne for poisoning them against the Governor, but Michonne just told them the truth and snarks at Andrea that the “Messiah Complex is contagious.”  Michonne finally tells Andrea that the governor sent Merle to kill her, and would have sent him to kill her too if she left.  Michonne came back to Woodbury to expose him; she knew it would hurt Andrea.

The Governor is giving orientation to Tyreese and co. It’s pretty much the same routine he gave Andrea and Michonne, plus the stuff about being attacked.  The father guy, whose name I don’t know, mentions the prison and his son is more than willing to fight Rick.  The Governor asks if they would be able to map out the prison.  Tyreese will do anything to stay here. 

Andrea meets lil ass kicker, but she’s not fooled, she knows that’s not her real name. Carol tells Andrea how Lori, T-dog (who Andrea didn’t care about), and Shane died.  Carol has a surprising but pretty good plan of how Andrea can easily end this.  She should, err, I guess I should say, use her body.

Rick’s nice enough to give Andrea a car.  And a gun.  And a pocket knife.  Gee, how about a snack, too?  Rick shows that he’s still decent and tells Andrea to be careful.  They have Merle, the only guy with one hand, unlock and open the gate  because everyone else is too busy standing in the background.

Andrea returns to Woodbury and immediately tells the Governor about her prison visit.  She came back on her own.  “Why?” the Governor asks. He then strokes her face and answers for her: “Because you belong here.”

 They get it on, but that’s mainly because Andrea is liking the eyepatch.

Everyone is gathered around in the cell-block   Rick is actually holding Judith.  Beth decides it’s too quiet, so sings because she hasn't done that since the premiere
Rick, Hershel and Daryl have a Brain Trust meeting. Rick’s going on a run.  Daryl will hold up the place.  Rick is going to bring Michonne (!) and Carl (!).

While the Governor sleeps, a nekkid Andrea takes a knife and stares over his body.  But we know she’s not going to go through with it because we've already seen one of the clips of Rick and the Governor meeting.  Plus, it’s too soon for the Governor to die.

Well, this certainly was an Andrea centric episode.  I’m actually pretty excited to see what she’s going to do next.  Now she knows too much to keep ignoring the fact that the Governor is an evil cray cray!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Rumple Takes Manhattan

Once Upon A Time, "Manhattan" S2 E14

Fairytale flashback. 
As Rumple jollily enters his humble abode (limp-free), he might as well be saying  “Honey, I’m home”  Rumple and wife Milah speak what sounds like gibberish for most of this scene.  But if you listen closely, you can hear some key words like “Ogre Wars” “coward” and father.”  Basically, Rumple’s going off to fight and totally not be a coward like his father apparently was.  Milah tells him to go fight bravely, and they’ll be able to fulfill their dream of having a family.

When Rumple, rumplily reports for duty at his rather Game of Thrones looking camp, he’s ordered to stand guard in front of a cloaked cage with a prisoner who can “help them turn the tides against the ogres”.  Two seconds into guarding, Rumple uncovers the cage after the prisoner calls his name, revealing a Seer, a girl with huge scars/stitch things instead of eyes and terrible CGI placed eyes on her hands. No wonder she was covered, yeesh.  Get that off my screens.  The Seer tells him that Milah is with child, a boy, but Rumple’s actions “will leave him fatherless.”

At first, Rumple doesn’t believe her, but when Ugo Seer’s other vision that the troops will ride into war on cows (which refers to the saddles).  Rumple’s conflicted, but decides that he doesn't want his son to grow up fatherless like he did, so he avoids fighting by taking an arrow to the knee by smashing his own foot.  His limp must have stalled his journey home about 9 months because when he returns. Milah has already had the baby.  Somehow, everyone knows what Rumple did, including Milah, who tells Rumple it would have been better for him to have died in battle and that now instead of growing up fatherless, baby boy Baelfire will now live with the shame of being the son of a coward, a fate far worse.

Rumple really likes that new baby smell

Henry, Rumple, and Emma get out of a taxi in front of Bae’s place in the city. For some reason Henry was the one riding shotgun. They buzz his apartment, and  Emma, over the speaker, pretends to be a UPS delivery person.  Naturally, Bae assumes that it must be his father looking for him, so he jumps down the fire escape and starts running.  Emma jumps into pursuit (commence brief chase seen full of fun jumping) and after an A+ tackle, Emma, unlike the audience,  is shocked to see none other than her baby daddy Neal.  But instead of saying “OMG” or even “Neal?,” Emma’s first reaction to seeing him after a decade is a weirdly calm, “No…”  The two exchange “What are you doing here”s and Neal moves their conversation to a bar where Emma continues her freak-out.  Neal claims he didn't know who Emma was when he met her and that he has been spending his life on the run to “get away from all that crap.”  Emma tells him how heartbroken and betrayed she was and Neal explains that August came to him, revealed he knew Neal was Baelfire, and told him to leave Emma, who’s all like “You let me go to prison because Pinocchio told you to?”  Neal says maybe fate brought them together, but Emma, in an act of defiance, rips off the keychain he gave her, which she’s been totally wearing this whole time, and gives it back to him, failing to mention anything about Henry.

Meanwhile, Henry awkwardly holds a hot dog that Rumple/Gold bought him, while he naively tells Gold that all that matters is that Gold is here now and wants Bae back.  I was half expecting the hot dog vendor to come over and tell him he needs to actually pay for that.

How am I supposed to hold this thing?

Emma returns to them, and even though she was gone long enough to have a life-changing conversation at a bar, she tells them she lost him.  Consequently, Rumple rumples his way into his son’s apartment, where he plans on waiting for his son.  He quickly realizes Emma is lying and starts to threaten her.  But before he can get too violent, Neal/Bae emerges at the perfect time, although, without magic, I’m pretty sure Emma could take Rumple.  Henry comes out too and asks his mom what’s going on.  Funny, sometimes he calls her Emma, sometimes he calls her mom.  I guess the writers knew this situation required him to call her the latter.  While everyone’s putting the pieces together, Neal asks Henry how old he is, and before Emma can rush him out, he annoyingly shrieks, (and I mean shrieks) “ELEVEN.”  Henry’s first instinct upon learning his father is alive is to rush out the window.  Hey, I guess it runs in the family.  But at least he stays on the fire escape.
Emma follows him and tries to justify her lying to him, but Henry says the coldest thing he can think of: “You’re just like Regina, she always lied to me too.”  Emma responds “OMG, IT WAS ONE TIME.” gazes sadly.

Rumple admits he made mistakes, but wants to make it up to his son by turning him back into a 14-year-old, which is just about the weirdest thing ever.  Obviously, Neal rejects this and delivers a line he’s been working on for decades: “Now I’m letting you go.” Zing!

Neal’s ready to go meet Henry (meet meet), but before he goes out, Emma tells him not to break Henry’s heart.  Neal’s like “that doesn't really make sense here.”  “Pshh already broke your heart.”  “Yea, okay."

Meanwhile, in Storybrooke,
Snow and Charming giggle like school girls over the revelation that Rumple is Henry’s Grandrumple.  

Regina, Cora, and Hook play Three's Company.  Cora and Regina argue about who’s going to be the blonde one for a bit.  Cora and Regina won’t go after Rumple because they won’t have any magic outside Storybrooke, although Hook says he doesn't need any to kill him.  Instead, the mother-daughter duo plans on finding Rumple’s dagger.  Regina goes to Belle’s hospital room and unnecessarily uses magic to take a piece of paper with a Dewey Decimal clue that leads them to the library and a treasure map.  There, Cora knocks out Hook because he is no John Ritter.  Cora plans on using the sword to make Rumple kill Emma, Charming, and Snow, leaving Henry to a “blameless” Regina.  Cause you know, if that were to happen, it’s not like Henry would mourn or slump into depression or anything.  Just buy him a Cinnabon.

Elsewhere, outsider Greg took a video of Regina doing magic and is sending it to Her, who I am still assuming is Ann Veal.

Back in Fairytale land future past, a wifeless and son-less Rumple Dark One finds the Seer and demands to know how to find his son.  She tricks him into taking his power, but she’s still ugly.  He learns that a boy will lead him to Bae, but that the boy will be his undoing, to which Rumple responds, “Then I’ll just have to kill him” 

Cut to Rumple mysteriously glaring at Henry.

So how exactly is Neal/Bae not an old man?  He came here years before Emma was even born and on his own accord, without Regina’s curse.  So all those years plus the 28 years should make him an oldee.  Did he just reach his peak and stop aging?  Is that going to happen to Emma and August?

Monday, February 18, 2013

"Home" Is Where The Zombie Heart Is

The last ten minutes of "Home" were some of the most exhilarating moments of the show (and TV in general) yet.  But first...

The episode opens with Rick enjoying the view at the prison.  He uses his binoculars to creep on Michonne, who was sleeping outside in a bus.  Rick is wearing a pretty nice watch.... Hey, wait a minute, is that Lori?  It is! Sorta.  Rick approaches her, and the two recreate that scene between Aragorn and Arwen from LOTR where they speak Elvish for like 5 minutes.  VisionLori has her fancy (backless) wedding dress on and Rick totally has the scruff to be Aragorn.  Michonne does her Michonne observation, but she's rightfully a bit more perplexed than usual.

Cue the opening music!

At Woodbury, the Governor compliments Andrea on her speaking skills and says he's totally seriously definitely not going to retaliate.  He plays the my-zombie-daughter-is-dead-again card and does the I need you we need you bit.

Darly and Merle are in the woods, doing Dixon Brothers stuff.  They talk while Merle pees, because that's the kind of person Merle is.  Daryl wants to go back to the prison, but Merle says it's not going to be a party for him.  Besides the Governor probably killed Rick and Co. already.

Wrong.  They're alive and well.   Glenn's trying to step up as leader.  Beth asks how do they even know if the Governor will attack them and Michonne speaks (!) to share that he had a fishtank full of heads, both walker and people.  Glenn wants to "end this tonight' and go assassinate the governor, while Hershel thinks it's best to leave the prison.  After all they survived all winter on the road.  Glenn points out that in the winter, they didn't have a baby and Hershel still had both his legs.  Glenn wants to make a stand!

At Woodbury, Milton is trying to "induce a meditative state" by listening to something... whatever, no one cares.  The Governor scares him because he can, then proceeds to butter him up, calling him invaluable.  He even calls Milton a friend!  Milton reacts like a dorky kid in high school who was just told that by the popular kid who he does homework for.  The Governor asks Milton to keep "tabs" on Andrea, to which Milton responds with a defiant "No" and that he has better things to do, like not cure walkers.  Just kidding, Milton quivers and "accepts."   He's just happy Merle is gone.

Cut to Andrea walking around looking for the Governor. Andrea: "Where's the Governor?"  Everyone: "Shut up, Andrea!"  She asks Martinez and Karen, who is a total meanie to her.  Andrea stops Milton and wants a specific answer: "Where is the Governor?"  Milton, who is a terrible liar, and is probably not used to being outside, responds, "on a run?"   Hmmm, somethings not right, is it Andrea?

Glenn and Carl are coming back from the tombs, which are filled up again, but Glenn reiterates that running is not an option.  He wants to take Maggie for a drive, but she's too busy being mad at Glenn for being mad at the Governor and wondering if the Governor raped her.

Axel and Carol are spending some quality time together.  We learn a bit about him.  Guns scare the 'bejeebuz" out of him.  He claims he's in here for robbing a store with a watergun.  Carol laughs at his imprisonment and teaches him how to use a gun.  She says hopefully his clip will remain full.  Be careful what you wish for... he won't get the chance to use it.

Daryl and Merle are disagreeing about where they are.  Daryl says they're going towards Yellow Jacket Creek.  They hear a baby and see people in trouble, which are two of Daryl's awesome triggers (but then again what isn't).  He jumps into action, but Merle on the other hand has no interest in helping.  Daryl gets the Walker Kill Of the Week Award for pulling a walker out of a car before it attacks an infant and its mother and slams the trunk on the walker's head.  The gore factor (nothing to do with the former VP) is pretty bad, and it reminds me of the jelly/juice from the berry candy things in the "everything is edible" room in Willy Wonka.  Merle feels that they deserve some kind of compensation, but Daryl points his crossbow at his brother to leave the people alone.  Merle's not too happy.  He says that by helping strangers out, they're wasting bullets and risking being killed, which is actually a valid point.  In fact, Merle thinks it's funny that Daryl is all righteous and BFFs with Rick now considering that they were planning on looting the camp back before Merle lost his hand.  A brief tussle ensues, and Daryl's favorite sleeveless shirt gets ripped, revealing to Merle, that like him, he was beaten by their father.  Daryl's ready to go back to where he belongs.  Merle for the first time ever, takes a break from being a jerk, and shows some emotion.  He can't go back to the prison; he tried to kill Michonne and almost killed the "Chinese Kid."  Daryl corrects him: Glenn is Korean, and then delivers one of the show's more poetic lines: "I may be the one that's walking away, but you're the one that's leaving.  Again."  A sign reads "Yellow Jacket Creek,"showing that Daryl was, in fact, right.
Andddd Scene

Back at the prison, Glenn's going out.  He can't just sit on his hands.  Hershel tries to have a  Good Will Hunting "It's not your fault" moment.  But, although Hershel certainly has the hair to be the Robin Williams character, Glenn isn't having it.  He needs to be a leader since Rick is in Crazy Town (population growing).  So, naturally, he goes off to angrily sulk just like Rick.

Beth and Maggie have a brief sisterly moment.  But maybe Beth's intentions were to just hand off Judith for or a bit because she's tired of looking after her all the time.

Hershel tries to have a "It's not your fault moment" with Rick too, but he's not having it either.  Rick's been soul searching figuring stuff out.  He tells Hershel about his visions of Lori.  Rick knows it's not really her but he says there has got to be a reason, it must mean something.  He's waiting for an answer.  Then, Zombie Dr. Phil comes out and moans, "And how does that make you feel?"

Oh look, another moment between Carol and Axel.  And they're kind of connecting.  Maybe he is a good guy after all.  HEADSHOT.  Axel's down.  Carol's sprayed with blood.  Close up to sniper Governor.  At least it wasn't an important member of the group.  R.I.P Axel, we hardly knew ye.  COMMERCIAL.

Cue an amazing ten minutes of television.

The Governor is firing as he pleases; he has no intention of conserving bullets.  There's another guy with him on the other side of the car.  Martinez is shooting from the bushes and another guy managed to get on top of the guard tower.  Michonne can't shoot, but that's okay, nobody else is able to hit any of them either even though we've seen them get hundreds of effortless head shots before.  But in all fairness, walkers don't shoot back.  The groups return fire.  The Governor doesn't flinch.  We get some cool shots of Carl shooting and covering. Carol is holding on to Axel's wondrous whiskers for dear life, as she uses him as a shield.  A car is noisily approaching.  Maybe it's Glenn ready to ram right into the Governor or Tyrese and co. coming to save the day.  Nope, it's an ice cream truck a truck that unloads walkers everywhere.

The Governor laughs; he's enjoying this.  He effortlessly shoots a walker behind him, but it looks like that same walker is up and about near Rick a few seconds later.

Maggie continues her streak of being one of the few members of the group to kill an actual person and takes down the guard tower guy (finally!)

Rick's in a bit of a pickle (A RICKLE).  Two walkers are pinning him down against the fence.  Daryl and Merle to the freaking rescue!  Rick and Daryl celebrate their reunion by hugging  exchanging nods.  Merle chuckles at the whole situation.

The group gazes at the yard full of walkers.  What's going to happen?  How's Rick's watch so clean?  Is this the best show on television?

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Bananas Are Yellow

First off, why title this "Bananas are yellow?"

A) Because it's true.  I mean, they can be brown and green, but those are the gross ones that no one likes to talk about.

B) Because I didn't want to simply title this "First post!"

I've been telling myself I was going to start a blog for some time now, but I'm pretty hesitant when it comes to stuff like this.  But now, at almost 1 AM, I decided to just go with it.

So, what's the purpose of this nobody asks because nobody will ever read this?  What a good looking question.

I've got nothing to lose.  Except for time.  And effort.  And dignity.